Sex and the Emerald City

On December 7, 2011 by Kim Wetter
Seattle, Washington

It was warm that day

I don’t know how or when it happened, but somewhere along the way, Seattle became my city. I’ve never had a problem with the grey season (approximately 75% of our year) and I’ve never complained about the lack of sun. Several years ago my roommates actually had a working theory that I was a vampire because of my apparent distaste for sunshine. They were wrong, of course. I only dislike sunlight in my room. I prefer to pretend I’m sleeping in a dark cave like my good friends the bats. Point being, I had always tolerated the city and I just realized that it’s turned into love. Seattle is like the moist mold forming in the walls of your house – it just grows on you.

  • First, there are the mountains. God, I love being surrounded by mountains. On a clear day, no matter which way you look, snowy peaks will greet you – except they’re not close enough to make you that cold or give you nightmares about avalanches or Bigfoot. I like to keep a safe distance between my mountains and me. I suppose people enjoy the proximity for skiing or snowboarding or whatever active people do. My enjoyment is purely voyeuristic. (Yeah, I read that sentence aloud and I’m sticking with it!)
  • Then there’s the water. For those of you unfamiliar, Seattle is an isthmus. For those of you who aren’t smarter than a 2nd grader, an isthmus is a section of land surrounded by water on either side. On one side we have the Puget Sound and the other we have Lake Washington (or as I like to call it “that which protects us from Bellevue”). There are only a few days during the year warm enough to try to swim in either body of water but that’s not the point. It’s pretty goddammit!
  • And if we fear what we don’t know, my affinity for Seattle has probably grown over the years because I know this city now. I’ve explored. I could give you directions. It carries a sense of familiarity that is comforting. I’ve taken this idea to such extremes; I almost never go somewhere new within the city. Therefore, I do not use Yelp and Yelp doesn’t use me. Take that non-Google!
  • My beautiful, wonderful, gay, awkward, smart, strange friends live here (They would like me to note here that not all of them are gay and not all are wonderful. One probably doesn’t dictate the other. You decide). They are my Samantha’s, Charlotte’s and Miranda’s in this version of Sex and the City where I am nothing like Carrie, few people on this earth believe Seattle to be fabulous, and we rarely have brunch together. I’m sure some of us are having sex but I won’t write that here. All in all – Similar.
  • Wetter is better. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. This is proof that Seattle and I were meant to be. And, let’s remember, lists are better in 5s.

In fairness, I’ll note the things I don’t like: coldness, the EMP, lesbians who don’t like me (you can often find them at the Wildrose questioning my membership to the gay club), Bellevue’s eminent attack on our soil, grunge music, and the lack of days appropriately warm enough for me to play Urban Golf. Also, our bars close at two – this is no New York City people.

There you have it. I’m in love with a grey, wet, stunning (in the correct light, just the way I like it) city.

I’m afraid of commitment though so I’m immediately planning my next move. Shut up, you don’t know me!

2 Responses to “Sex and the Emerald City”

  • I would like to watch your article in my entire life. this article conceives outline novel, the topic has the mental strategy only, the paragraph is clear , fall the rise and fall, the main line is clear, fascinating, mild the extraordinary literature from bottom inside, is witty it may be said, a classic, is a model that my generation should the study.

  • FORGE

    who would ever question your membership to the gay club?!

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