You recently heard about my friend Todd and his new girlfriend Shian but what I haven’t covered yet is why Todd is awesome. Ladies, you should be lining up because this man is sweet, intelligent and single. Todd is the sort of guy who gives you a hug when you need it and will drop everything to help a friend in need.
Once upon a time, I found myself in a dark, sad place and Todd, who I didn’t even know that well at the time, dropped everything to spend the day with me and do all he could to cheer me up. Armed with sangria, bottles, rocks, a sharpie and some lighter fluid, Todd brightened my life again. He’s a stellar human being and I’m grateful he’s my friend.
He recently got a job in Park City, Utah, so last night we went to trivia at the Ballroom for one last time. While there, we talked about Rick Perry’s new campaign videos (This Unfortunate Man). I dropped Todd off at his house around 1:30am and he sent me this e-mail at 3:20am:
It’s a letter from me to Rick Perry (I just spent a drunk hour on it, so I know it’s good):
Dear Governor Perry,
I know that you are acting in what you believe to be the United States’ best interests, but I have a terribly difficult time understanding what parts of your platform or your religious convictions call for open hatred and persecution of homosexual individuals. You do not come across as an unintelligent individual, and yet you seem to ignore the accepted fact that homosexuality is not a choice. Indeed, why would any person choose to love somebody of their own sex or gender in the environment that you and other hateful people like you have created? If homosexuality were a choice, why in God’s name would any person make that choice, in light of the horrific and hateful persecution they are sure to face at the hands of you and people like you.
I can understand your desire for less government and less spending (indeed, I even agree that our government should spend less money in some areas), but I think your belief that we should simply slash huge sectors of the government, without providing any replacement for their functions, is asinine and ignorant. Certainly, you have more political experience than I do, that cannot be disputed; however I don’t believe that entire Departments of the federal government can be simply shut down, without providing for their replacement. And yet, this seems to be precisely what you aim to do. To eliminate the Departments of Commerce, Education and (what was the third one?….) oh yes, the EPA. No wait, that wasn’t it. Oh right, the Department of Energy.
Now, I can’t claim to know the entire functions of each of these three departments (or was it four?), but they certainly sound vital to the operation of our country. The Department of Commerce: don’t they make sure our taxes are fair, our highways intact, and, oh, you know, our commerce working?
How about Education? Don’t they set standards? How about that bastion of conservative educational policy, the No Child Left Behind act? Doesn’t the Department of Education have something to do with that? Where would good old American Capitalism be without the DoE ensuring that our children (i.e. our future) have the requisite knowledge and skills to keep up in this worldwide economy. Kids in the US attend school about 180 days per year. In countries like Germany and Japan, they are closer to 250 days per year. No wonder we are falling behind. It isn’t because of the dangerous liberal, homosexual, socialist agenda. It is because our children are educated at a substandard level. The standards of American education are not sufficient if we are to compete at a global level.
Lastly, the Department of Energy: Energy certainly sounds important. I know that the population of the United States (approximately 5% of the global population) uses about 20% of the world’s energy. It seems to me that our energy use should warrant some oversight. The ideal that free markets should regulate their own inputs and outputs (energy and resources as inputs; pollution and products as outputs) to the greatest benefit to everybody is simply naive. This ideal would work if all consumers and investors were well-informed. But, unfortunately, Americans are “informed” by Fox News, Inc., rather than by fair and reasonable distributors of information. Doesn’t the Department of Energy have something to say about how our great nation’s power plants (including those controversial nuclear plants) are run? Shouldn’t this Department maybe stick around so that we can keep our country’s nuclear material safe and secure (not to mention keep it producing electricity for our nation’s families and businesses)?
I sincerely hope that you (or more likely one of your campaign’s assistants) have time to read my words and take them to heart. I want to believe that you are not a hateful, ignorant, arrogant man, but unfortunately, this is the impression I have received from your campaign. I hope that you will look at the numbers of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ on your most recent YouTube video, and realize the proportion of the American people who are resoundingly against your positions.
Thank you for your time and attention. I sincerely hope that your faculties of reason and logic are able to overcome your ingrained bigotry and hatred, and allow you to become the loving, accepting person that your Jesus taught that you should be.
Thank you for your time. I wish you the best of luck in your return to charitable, compassionate faith.
Todd P. Sigley