Online Dating and Failed Lesbianism

On February 22, 2012 by Kim Wetter
Kim Wetter Gay as Shit

This one time, I tried to look SUPA gay

I recently decided to start dating again. And by dating, I mean the foreign and elusive concept of dating. I do not mean a relationship because that is waaaaaay down the line for me in terms of commitment level at this point in my life. I figured it was time to meet new people and start flirting somewhere other than at R Place dancing with a rando at 1am (because we all know how poorly that works out). The major problem I run into, in general, is that I don’t really fit in with the Seattle lesbian crowd. So, since all my straight girl friends are on OKCupid, they convinced me to give it a try.

It’s terrible.

Not only have a been messaged by married women looking for sex with a girl on the side but I keep coming across profiles that actually say things like “I don’t trust easy” or “I’m really good at crying” or “I’m super silly but also really serious.” Ummm, what?

I understand the difficulties of trying to describe yourself on the Internet and to be completely fair to everyone I just made fun of, you can see and criticize my profile here. Feel free to leave inappropriate comments below on how much of a douche I sound like on the interwebs.

I think there is an inherent problem of me not being a very good lesbian. I don’t listen to Tegan and Sarah, I don’t want to attend a poetry reading with you and I really would prefer if you didn’t cry around me for at least the first couple months.

I like gay men. I listen to pop music. I get drunk and peer pressure people like a frat boy. I am, in short, ridiculous but also ridiculously awesome.

I might not ever fit in with the lesbians in Seattle and I’ve given up trying. There are some out there who are awesome and I will collect them as friends as best I can. But in terms of dating, I just don’t think this whole OKCupid thing is going to work. According to their database, I should be living in New York, where lesbians, and maybe people in general, are more like me.

This weekend I will be attending “Cherry,” which is a lesbian dance party that happens once a month. I normally show up, drink, dance with my gays, strike out a couple of times and leave with a stumble. I will attempt to be more reasonable this weekend but it seems unlikely. Besides, I always end up hitting on like the only straight girl in the whole club. Not my fault.

**Note** I apologize to anyone of the lesbian variety that I offended here. If you are cute and single, feel free to leave your phone number and I’ll make sure to apologize in person **wink**

2 Responses to “Online Dating and Failed Lesbianism”

  • Morgan

    Please send me that power-hour tv clip video when you’re done with it. k thanks.

  • T-Bone

    “According to their database, I should be living in New York, where lesbians, and maybe people in general, are more like me.”


    Also: “I’m really good at crying” …..WTF?!?!? Who would say that??!! What an obvious psycho!! I would almost encourage you to go out on a date with her just for comedy’s sake and report back to us on the trainwreck. Almost. But I know too much about your history with girls who cry, so it’s probably best to let that one go. No more tears.

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