I love Lindy West. I think she’s hilarious and does sarcasm in a way no one else can. She wrote an article today about dating. She tried to convince ladies to stop thinking of themselves as too much or too little of one thing for a man but just right in whoever they are. Confidence is sexy. But moreover, they should think of themselves as an individual and not as one part of an incomplete two part equation.
I’m going to forget the whole romantic relationship part of her article completely for my follow up and focus on her advice to be confident in yourself. Confidence is a tricky subject for me considering I can be easily labeled as self-obsessed (Haters gonna hate). I mean, look at the name of the blog. But, I think if God gave me one gift, it was the gift of self-confidence. I understand that people are wired in different ways and people think in different ways but if you follow some basic steps, confidence can (and should) be had.
- Do the Right Thing: This is more than just a Spike Lee joint. If you live by a moral code you respect, why don’t you respect yourself? Do right by others. Be kind and caring.
- You’re not Perfect: This is difficult for me since I like to think I am perfect and always right but I am not. Clearly. I mess up good and often. I know that. I make mistakes because I am human.
- Own What you Do: I do some questionable things. I do some awesome things. I take credit of the good as I do with the bad. Every single thing I do is my own. I stand by my words and actions and I hope to be proud of them if I’m following rule #1 up there.
- Love: Seriously, if you made it a mission to love those around you and surround yourself in thoughts and feelings of love over hate, why would you not love yourself? Love the people around you and if you don’t love the people around you, find some new people! The world is so full of hatred and sadness. Why add to that? Being a positive, joyful, loving person makes you more awesome than you already are. So go ahead, I give you permission to love yourself even more.
- Improve: If you refer back to point #2, you are not perfect. You are not done being the most awesome person you can be. Constantly improve. If there’s something that you’d like to be better at that is out of your control, forget it. Don’t beat yourself up about it. If there is something you’d like to change that is in your control, change it. If you don’t change it, get over it. Don’t beat yourself up about it. This last weekend, I thought, wow my ass could be tighter (this is not a joke). So, either I go get my buns of steel workout on or I don’t. Either way the path and action I choose is my own and I should refer back to point #3.
I wasn’t always this confident. In elementary school I spent most of my time following the cool thing to do. When I moved to a new middle school in 7th grade, I spent about a year and a half without any friends. I learned to cherish the ones I did have, probably a little bit too late. I managed to stumble upon a new group of friends midway through my 8th grade year because I set my sights on the loudest, most enjoyable people in the room. They really helped me come into my own and I owe a lot of who I am today to them.
I was actually asked where I get my humor and confidence in my What Not To Wear secret interview and I told them it started because I was following my new friends in the 8th grade. I was a follower and it happened to turn out perfectly. I came into my own eventually.
Obviously I recognize my own self-confidence is a gift. I do. But, I wish more people could love themselves fully. We all have insecurities (I know, even me) but we don’t need to dwell on them. Love yourself and enjoy those around you. If you do, I bet they’ll be thoroughly enjoying you too!