I have this friend. Or I had this friend. I’m not really sure at the moment. Currently this friend doesn’t want to talk to me, or anyone really. Somehow she got it into her head that she was a bad person and doesn’t want to associate with anyone who knows the “old” her.
There’s a problem with this though. Several, actually.
I miss her. A lot.
Not only that, but I never thought she was a bad person. We all make mistakes. Every single one of us has made a mistake. I, myself, have made many mistakes, some I still struggle with every day.
But that’s all they are, mistakes. People aren’t meant to be perfect. We falter. Some of us more than others, but we all falter.
My friend had a bad year. She had a year very similar to my last year of college. As a senior, many people tend to focus on their best friends. They don’t want to meet new people because they only have one more year of living with all of the people they have grown to love over the years.
I didn’t think like that. I always liked meeting new people and I continued to socialize and make new… random… friends (many of you probably reading this now). For the entire first semester, I was off doing my own thing and checking in occasionally. My friends finally had to sit me down and tell me that they were offended I wasn’t spending enough of my time with them. It would appear I didn’t care, although they knew I did.
And I did. I really did. I love them dearly.
So, the next semester, I did my best to make an effort and show that I cared. I made them a priority.
I still made mistakes. We all do. I am not perfect.
My friend’s story is similar to mine but worse in various ways. The base of it is that she had some people who cared about her very dearly and they felt unloved.
But she loved them. She is the type of girl that loves with her entire being. She loves from the very core of her.
She’s a good person and she always has been, which is why it’s a shame she hates herself now. My friend was always there for me. She always had a great attitude about life. Her positivity shone through in everything she did.
We talked about the idea behind unconditional love and how it doesn’t end, even in anger, even in strife. She might not be talking to me now but I can’t help but love her. It tears me up inside that she thinks that poorly of herself when I only had the highest opinions of her. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t want to hear from me now, because she knows I’d tell her that she’s wrong in thinking she was a bad person. I’d tell her she is one of the best people I know, then and now.
And I miss her. A lot.