Some of you read this blog and might be thinking, “Is your life just one big party?” Conversely, some of you might be thinking “No wonder why you’re single” or “God this all sounds exhausting” or “I typed in ‘Jennifer Lawrence sex’ so why did I end up on this gay ass blog?” Whatever your thoughts, you seem to be here for some reason and it’s time to spell it out.
I am ridiculously busy. I make plans left and right and often try to combine two or three or seven plans into one. I have a “the more the merrier” attitude about every single day. This busy schedule, combined with the alcohol it often includes and the insomnia that remains pretty consistent has resulted, once again, into me feeling under the weather. As I lay awake at 5am with a stuffed up nose this morning, I pondered for a while how this came to be. Let’s rewind the last seven days:
Wednesday: I went to my old company’s Christmas party. Seeing as it wasn’t my company, I took it upon myself to force people I don’t even know to take shots with me at the “prefunk” of this Wednesday night dinner show. Why do you need to prefunk a dinner party, you might ask? Well, when you’re only promised two drink tickets and once you start you can’t stop, it’s necessity.
Unfortunately, one of the girls I didn’t know, who I forced to take shots with me before we walked over, got a smidgen wasted. Therefore, without trying or meaning to (no, for real, I didn’t mean to, at least not this time), our table became the shitshow table. My date and I were pouring whiskey from our flasks into empty glasses, confusing people who came by to check on our drink status. Wasted girl could barely address our wait staff and our table was told to shut up no less than four times. Let’s remember – this was a dinner show.
I had plans to go out afterwards but luckily my date had to run home and take care of her dog.
Thursday: Happy hour started at 6:30 and we managed to continue through until 10pm. This night is the perfect example of me combining and cramming in plans. I was invited by one person, who was invited by another person and then I proceeded to invite someone who invited someone else. I then got the phone number of a fabulous new gay who I invited to sit at our table. It was a party.
After happy hour, I was picked up by a friend and taken to our neighborhood bar where we played pool with some randos. Not only did we stay until close but I also got a phone number of some straight girl who demanded to be my best friend. I will never text her. I did, however, immediately text my new fave gay from happy hour.
Friday: We went to the Wildrose, the main Seattle lesbian bar, with my new fave gay. It was terrible, as always, but I promised I would write a whole post about why I don’t enjoy myself there, so that’s coming later. I hit on two straight girls at various points in the evening (it’s a habit I am trying to change but they are always just so cute), had one gay girl hit on me and I was completely uninterested and then I played some buck hunter. We stayed till close, which is, as you can tell, the norm.
Saturday: I woke up and immediately had to go to a prefunk brunch where I watched the Broncos game. We then headed over to the Seattle Center for the World’s largest snowball fight (hence the prefunk brunch). Flask in hand, full of Grey Goose, I got hit square in the nose with an ice ball. See, Seattle is not cold enough to sustain fake snow so it was all melting into ice and the “snowball” fight was more like flinging deathly ice balls at one another. I cried. But I swear it was fun.
The group I went with went to a bar afterwards where I drowned my sorrows about the Broncos with some fireball and a fun new bar game. You put all your phones in the middle and then whoever takes out their phone must take a shot, complete their task and put their phone back in the pile. Needless to say, everyone got drunk very quickly. After dinner, only Eric was willing to go out with me, as everyone else was off to bed.
We walked into a gay bar and moments later my gay besties arrived, which I had not planned. Eric couldn’t be happier because that meant that he could go pass out now that I had other people to hang out with. I was out dancing at R Place until close, again.
While at R Place, Thayer also tried to force me to give a girl my phone number. He went to the bar and wrote down my number on a napkin and then handed it to me. I finally went up to her and gave her my number. But, then, she asked me when my birthday was. I immediately asked if she believed in signs and she said “I don’t have to believe in them, I’ve taken an astrology class.” Okay, please give me my number back. Gross.
Sunday: My alarm went off bright and early and I had to trek over to watch the Seahawks game. From there, I went to dinner and to watch the Golden Globes with my gay besties. Drinking all day. Again.
Monday: The Lady Gaga concert was Monday night. I took Tuesday off because I knew I would not be functioning the next day. A full post on this is in the works. Out till close, again.
Tuesday: I had my only relatively quiet evening of the week. I had “date” night with my roommate. We saw Life of Pi. My mind was blown, etc.
Wednesday: A simple invite to watch Pitch Perfect turned into 9 people watching over at my house and drinking lots of wine.
So I’m sickly and it’s pretty obviously why… But, some days you gotta dance and I live it up whenever I get the chance.