I recently stumbled across an article asking if most bloggers are liars. Let’s be honest, a blog is a totally dishonest way for people to get to know you. I have completely control over what you read about me and any perception you might have of me was somewhat formed by what I decide to write about. I have a persona. There’s KimWetter(.com) and Kim Wetter (two words).
What’s interesting is that the same theory carries over in real life. I carry this persona with me, as I’m sure many people do, in my day to day life and as I meet new people. I have a lot of friends and make new ones really easily. Most of them get KimWetter (one word) for quite some time. It’s only after I get to know people well where I might finally drop some of that persona and show Kim Wetter (two words).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very genuine person. I find lying extremely difficult and this “persona” I speak of isn’t fake like some people’s might be. This is just a portion of myself. The tip of the iceberg, if you will. So you might see a overly self-confident, competitive, fun individual. That’s actually me.
It got me thinking of my Epic Date Failure. The perception she had of me is that I am “fun.” Although that’s entirely true, there’s obviously a lot more to who I am. The implication was almost as if I couldn’t be taken seriously as she thought about her future. I don’t think I had ever considered “fun” to be an insult before that day. I can’t really take offense to that because after 6 dates, she still really only got KimWetter and not a whole lot else. (Although I think I should note here that I hope to have a fun, silly future with a beautiful wife one day.)
Getting me to talk about my “feelings” is like pulling teeth. Even if you try, I might fool you by talking a lot about other people’s feelings and avoiding mine entirely. Luckily, no one likes to read about my feels – most of my readers come for salacious titles like “I almost hooked up with a homeless girl” or “I got stood up.” So even if I started to open up, no one would read it. That’s how the blogger / reader relationship works.
There are some simple distinctions between my persona and my real self that are easy to clear up. First, I fully admit that I enjoy coming across as disorganized and spontaneous. The truth, however, is that I’m an extremely organized person. My social schedule is packed, yes, but fully planned in advance. It’s rare that I have an unplanned evening and I thoroughly enjoy organizing events for my friends. I’m a lot more type A than I let on.
In my pros and cons list about dating me, I listed that I had no interest in self-improvement. That’s a complete lie. I spend a great deal of time thinking how I can be a better person, better daughter and better friend. I often beat myself up about simple mistakes. There’s no harsher critic of me than myself, almost to a fault. What’s interesting about that pro and con list is that I didn’t write it – a couple of my close friends did. That might mean that my obsession with self-improvement is my best kept secret. Although they could have been talking about working out, in which case, touche, I do not work out.
That’s probably good for now. I can’t just go around telling a bunch of strangers all the things that make me tick. I’m still a very honest person but my blog is just a portion of me. I think it’s good that we all recognize that.
Note: This post was started in October and I just now completed it. Further proof that more serious subject matter is difficult to write about.