{"id":1663,"date":"2018-12-14T09:04:12","date_gmt":"2018-12-14T17:04:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kimwetter.com\/?p=1663"},"modified":"2018-12-14T09:04:12","modified_gmt":"2018-12-14T17:04:12","slug":"lets-talk-about-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/?p=1663","title":{"rendered":"Let’s Talk About Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t\t\t\n

If you are a family member who reads my blog, this post is not for you. Move along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the rest of you, let\u2019s talk about sex! Well, I\u2019m going to talk about sex. You get to sit there comfortably not sharing your sex life with the world. This will be a series of posts, so let’s get started at the very beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Most kids receive the dreaded sex talk with their parents at some point. My parents made me watch The Making of Me at Epcot in Walt Disney World. If you have no idea what that is, that’s probably because you had a normal, untarnished childhood. Here\u2019s the description of the movie:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Martin Short narrates the story of “his own” birth to explain the subjects of sex, conception, pregnancy and childbirth in an entertaining and educational way. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

This movie was mortifying to watch as a child. But don’t worry, you can watch a janky version of it<\/a> on YouTube still.
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Other than that, my parents didn’t really talk about sex. I learned way more from watching 90210. In fact, my friends and I used to play “house” as the cast of 90210. I would always play Brandon Walsh, which makes sense because I definitely had a crush on Tiffany Amber Thiessen. I guess it’s obvious where my love of prickly brunettes came from.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I mean, COME ON<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

My parents really just had one simple rule: wait until you are married to have sex. 
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Seeing as I\u2019m 32 and not married, you can probably already guess that that rule did not hold. My parents weren\u2019t super religious anymore so it really felt like an arbitrary thing you say to kids so they don\u2019t wind up on 16 and Pregnant. 
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Nevertheless, I kept my virginity intact until after college. I know, I know, it’s surprising given… all this. In college, I used to tell a lot of stories about \u201chooking up<\/a>\u201d and people always assumed that meant sex. But, nope, no further than trusty third base. I know now that this had nothing to do with my parent’s rule but rather, I was just hella gay and didn\u2019t want to have sex with a man. So I avoided it at all costs! Still do!
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During one of these \u201chook ups,\u201d the guy kept asking if we could have sex. I would say no, then we would keep hooking up, and he would ask again. Finally after one no, he said \u201cUgh you are just gay.\u201d 
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He was right, of course, but it was mortifying at the time. I was livid and decided to throw him out. 
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Even though I finally acknowledged<\/a> during my senior year that I didn’t want to have sex with a man, nothing really changed. My god damn virginity would not give up so easily! Unfortunately for me, my college did not have that many lesbians, and I always had a thing for the straight girls but they never had a thing for me<\/a>. Nope, it was not going to happen for me, especially when you look at my longest running options:<\/p>\n\n\n\n