{"id":385,"date":"2012-03-19T09:34:36","date_gmt":"2012-03-19T16:34:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kimwetter.com\/?p=385"},"modified":"2012-03-19T09:34:36","modified_gmt":"2012-03-19T16:34:36","slug":"what-not-to-wear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/?p=385","title":{"rendered":"What not to Wear"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"nothing<\/a>

I see nothing wrong with this<\/p><\/div>\n

Last night, I had a dream that I was a club promoter in Miami. I wandered the beaches, looking for girls to come to my clubs. This would never, in a million years, happen. Normally you can point something out from your day as to why you dreamed something and I really have no idea. I listened to no Will Smith, the only things I watched were KU basketball and Pride and Prejudice, and I have not seen a bikini in quite some time. I mean, come on, I live in Seattle. But, I woke up and contemplated it, initially thought of Jersey Shore and then thought of my own brush with reality TV.

A couple of years ago, some friends sat down at the computer and typed up an application for me to be on What not to Wear<\/em>. At the time, I was working for BuddyTV, a television and entertainment news blog. Their premise was simple: I dreamed of working in television and here I was meeting very important actors, producers, etc looking like shit. My wardrobe consisted over extremely old clothing bought in high school, probably at Pac Sun. I often wore items that didn’t fit because either I’d grown or shrunk them in the wash because I throw everything in on cold cycle. A larger portion than I care to admit consisted of t-shirts I had gotten while in a sorority at college. Style is not something I had or even have now.I was the perfect candidate for What not to Wear<\/em>. I had no idea they had done any of this.<\/p>\n

They were surprised when they didn’t hear back from the casting directors.\u00a0How<\/em>\u00a0could they not see how much help I needed? The months rolled on and they eventually gave up hope that I would receive professional help. They dragged me to a store and forced me to buy a pair of skinny jeans and several tops that weren’t t-shirts. It was a painful trip. I complained the entire way and when asked my opinion, I would just stare at them with my “I’m gonna shank you” face.<\/p>\n

A couple months after our shopping trip, I had become extremely comfortable with my new clothing, finally favoring it over the sorority t-shirts. That’s when they got the call.<\/p>\n

The casting directors wanted to come check me out. They were going to secretly follow me around Seattle for three days to get a glimpse of my every day wear.<\/p>\n

My friends panicked. I didn’t look\u00a0nearly<\/em>\u00a0as bad as I had before. What were they going to do?<\/p>\n

The obvious answer presented itself: hide my new clothing. My roommate snuck into my room and grabbed all of my most reasonable gear. Two out of the three days, I looked horrible, just as they had hope. I noticed my clothes were missing but figured I must’ve been drunk and misplaced them somewhere. By day two and a half, I had reasoned I had not gotten drunk and stripped in unusual places. That is ridiculous. I have never and hopefully will never do that. I felt like I was going crazy. I talked about it non stop. So, I washed the one pair of skinny jeans I could find for the final day of this three day stalking event.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Hello Yellow-Green Too Big for me T-shirt. You were so special to me<\/p><\/div>\n

I arrived at the Storm game in Converse, a peacoat and skinny jeans. I looked, for all intents and purposes, just like any other Seattle hipster. I wandered to the bar across the street for some beers before the game. It was there that I took off my peacoat to reveal a “yellow” shirt that I had washed with jeans one too many times and it had turned a gross yellow-green color. And it was too big. My friends breathed a sigh of relief but they had to get me to go back outside. The cameras were waiting and they had not gotten a shot of my with my yellow-green tee.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, it is very difficult to get me to leave a bar. When they finally did, the game was about to start and I put back on my peacoat. Day 3 fail.<\/p>\n

Luckily, I nailed my secret interview. I was going to a movie and was approached by a girl with a cameraman. She convinced me that she was doing her thesis on whether or not people go to malls anymore and my friends had pointed me out as a perfect interview subject. I should have found it suspect as soon as the topics started to turn to my personal life. Did my mom like the clothing I wear? Did I use my sense of humor to hide my insecurities? These are not normal questions.<\/p>\n

But, I never faltered. I gave a 30 minute interview. They asked me to describe what I was wearing and I told them I could easily be mistaken for a homeless person. It went perfectly. My friends, standing by watching, could not have been more excited.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately for them, the casting director called and said they weren’t going to use me. I had since moved jobs and worked in a more corporate, cubicle environment and it blew their story. The casting director said she loved me but that the producer just wouldn’t go for it. Producers are lazy – they like to have their stories handed to them.<\/p>\n

And I was no longer the perfect story. I managed to look semi put together for 1 out of 3 days and I was never going to interview the stars of Fringe<\/em> again.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

My friends take some of the blame. One was asked if I would be mad if I found out what they’d done and she admitted she wasn’t sure if I’d still be her friend. I would, of course, be her friend but I would not have liked to be on that show. I hate shopping with a passion and getting me to care about clothing would’ve been a long shot. Stacy and Clinton would have thrown out my “best outfits” with pride and I would’ve shrugged my shoulders. They would send me off to go shopping by myself and I’d hit a bar. They’d take me to a fancy New York boutique and I would scoff at the price of the clothing. I would drag my feet and complain. Teaching me how to do my own makeup and hair in the morning? Forget about it.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

I call this "style and flavor"<\/p><\/div>\n

So, it never happened.<\/p>\n

My “style” hasn’t gotten any better. Less than a year ago, I proudly announced that I was going to buy different colored Hanes v-necks and just wear those from now on. That way, I wouldn’t have to think about it. And besides, I have great boobs.<\/p>\n

Obviously I don’t do that. A dutiful friend took me shopping and handled it very well. My complaints only made her laugh and I walked away with a large chunk of a new wardrobe. Mostly v-neck t-shirts, but hey, a tiger can’t change his strips.<\/p>\n

**note** The answers to the interviewer’s extremely personal questions: 1. My mom came to visit and threw out a pair of brown plaid men’s shorts I had because she found them that disgusting. She also went to a neighbor’s garbage because she knew I’d just go and dig them back out and wash them. 2. I answered that my sense of humor came from decided to follow around two of the loudest girls in my 8th grade classroom. I got my sense of humor from being a follower. Isn’t that where most people get it?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last night, I had a dream that I was a club promoter in Miami. I wandered the beaches, looking for girls to come to my clubs. This would never, in a million years, happen. Normally you can point something out from your day as to why you dreamed something and I really have no idea. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":388,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"spay_email":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[24,275,330,583,633,660],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/kimwetter.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/green-yellow-tee.jpg?fit=540%2C720&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=385"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/388"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=385"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=385"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimwetter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=385"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}