There are no words. My super bowl hangover is still super present if that gives you any idea.

I woke up bright and early at 10am on Sunday, which, considering I went out to a friend’s birthday party the night before, is impressive. I had an invitation to go watch a friend of a friend play flag football at 11:30 and toyed around with the idea. I wasn’t expecting to be awake that early Sunday nor was I expecting to feel awesome. (I should note that it wasn’t because I didn’t get drunk at the bday bash but rather that this was just some sort of miracle). Since I was awake, I figured I should go.

The invite came from Cougar #1. I have no idea whether or not she reads the blog and I really hope she doesn’t. She tells me that there will be drinking at this event so I grab myself a water bottle and fill it up with a bottle of champagne that is two weeks old (I don’t like to waste). We pull up to the street and see 4 lesbians on the sidewalk beer bonging. I knew it would be a good day.

They lead us to the field where a large large group of lesbians have gathered. They are all drinking. It was awesome. I took this video of their shotgunning competition to see which team would start with the ball. Really, I was in heaven.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to play but I’m told this is a yearly Super Bowl Sunday tradition and you bet your ass I’m going to be there next year.

After the lesbian flag football debauchery, the Cougar took me back to my house for the Super Bowl party I was hosting. People were already showing up and I really didn’t have anything ready. In fact, I really needed to go to the liquor store but knew we didn’t have time. I just didn’t want to leave lesbian heaven so soon. The way we watch the Super Bowl is this:

Everyone must pick a team they are rooting for when they come in and then every time your team gets scored on, you take a shot.

This year was supposed to be a shootout so we kept it to touchdowns only. I know what you’re thinking too – of course Kim Wetter would make up a ridiculous drinking game for the Super Bowl. BUT, this is actually not my game. My friend Tracy came up with it last year to get the non-football fans involved in the spectating.

Back to the story, the Cougar didn’t drink when I met her. She recently picked it up and I don’t think she’s very good at it. She’s always been hyper and she likes to say things to make people (me) uncomfortable sometimes. The alcohol really ramped that up. She already has a big personality and alcohol seemed to be a personality amplifier. I spent most of my day today apologizing for things she did. On the list we have:

• She followed around Eric and grabbed his ass
• She was pinching Tyler’s nipples and covering his eyes as he sat there in shock
• She took my friend’s tequila and started pushing shots on everyone
• She told one guy it looked like he wasn’t getting laid and then asked where his girlfriend was, who was sitting next to me
• She got in a guy’s face and asked him if he was afraid of the black woman
• She passed out on my couch before 7pm

There’s probably more but let’s just say she steamrolled the party. I’m sure that’s all anyone really remembers from the day. Some people found her hilarious but others are asking me to never bring her anywhere ever again. I had a lot of fun with her and I’m so happy she brought me to lesbian heaven but I’m guessing I should probably keep our friendship to myself. Not everyone can handle a cougar.