I went to Walla Walla this weekend and the first question I was asked upon my arrival home Sunday night was, “Did you do anything stupid?” Any normal person would be offended by such an affront but not me. Instead, I answered with pride, “I didn’t do anything stupid!”

Reactions varied from surprised, relieved, disappointed and finally, incredulous. For those that don’t believe me, this is what I did this weekend:

 

Friday night I saw the second half of the Whitman women’s basketball game and then I went back to Laura’s and watched Red Riding Hood. Bad movies are something of a passion of mine, plus, we turned it into a drinking game (drink every time someone says wolf). It was like watching a werewolf themed episode of Maury or Jerry Springer and it was glorious. I went to bed by midnight and was up at 9 the next morning.

 

Starting a Saturday in Walla Walla without a hangover is an unusual occurrence and quite boring so I’ll fast forward. Around 4pm, we decided we’d make posters for the basketball game that night. In all seriousness, this is what our posters said:

1. Anna Forge CAN touch MC Hammer
2. If you want a list of Anna Forge’s Enemies, check the extinct species list
3. Anna Forge knows where Carmen San Diego is
4. Anna Forge has never blinked in her life. Never.
5. They tried to make Jenele Peterson toilet paper but it wouldn’t take anybody’s shit

So we ventured into the gym armed with our signage and some liquid courage. My friend Todd met us there after getting his ass handed to him in pong, so he was quite intoxicated. (He asked to be featured in a blog post so I am MORE than happy to oblige)

At one point Todd turns to me and says, “That girl is very attractive.” I nod in agreement and we continue cheering.

Later in the game, said girl was shooting a free throw, Whitman was down considerably and there were only several minutes left in the game. Todd turns to me and says, “I think her and I have better chances than Whitman does in this game.”

I laughed but he continued. Any time she’d get the ball, he would exclaim, “That’s my girlfriend!”

He even told me he’d shave his chops for this girl.

So, Shiann Dreadfulwater, if you’re reading this, I know your boyfriend Todd and he’s a great guy. I’m sure you’ll be very happy together. I’m also taking it upon myself to convince Todd to bring flowers to the next game he attends possibly accompanied by a sign. Here are some ideas:

• Happy two month anniversary Shiann!
• Shiann, will you marry me?
• Hi Shiann, I’m Todd and I swear I’m not a creep

If I have to get him a little bit drunk before he goes to this next game with flowers and a sign to profess his love to a girl he’s never met, so be it. Sometimes you have to take one for the team.

 

But, back to my tale: After the game, I attempted to go join my friend Julie for Tommy Wiseau’s screening of The Room in the auditorium. Unfortunately, a security guard was at the front door and I was carrying a large paper bag with a magnum of champagne inside. I aborted that plan and joined a crew on the way to the rugby calendar release party.

I like to refer to myself as “that 25 year old in the corner” when I find myself at a college party, which is more often than is respectable. I opened my magnum of champagne and set to drinking it. At one point, a group went outside to shotgun beers and although I’m gluten free, I didn’t want to be left out. I filled my keg cup and proceeded to chug the champagne and then threw down my cup as if it were a crushed Keystone Light can. This is probably the start of the end of the my evening.

 

I was picked up by some people closer to my own age and escaped the college party without doing anything embarrassing or stupid. I consider this a win. We then went to the Golden Horse lounge to sing some karaoke. I nursed a whiskey diet for a while and when it was done, so was I. I proceeded to nod off and my wonderful friends decided to try to grab a picture of me looking sleeping. For your enjoyment, here’s the series of their attempts.

 

So that was that. I came, I saw, I conquered. As we were driving the 4.5 hours back to Seattle, I sat in the middle of the car in the back seat, one sleeping passenger on the Struggle Bus on either side of me. As my friends used my shoulders for pillows, I couldn’t help but be ridiculously happy. I was content.