I went through something of a break up this weekend. It’s never easy to lose someone from your life. You let go and you move on, knowing one day it won’t hurt as much. Luckily, I had a bomb ass weekend to get me through.

Friday was supposed to be a quiet night in. My quiet nights in almost never happen as planned. Instead, I was invited over to my friend Brittany’s house and it swiftly turned into 15 of my closest friends drinking and being merry. We pulled out the drink wheel. We consumed all of their whiskey. We played Thumper with inappropriate hand gestures (some of us). The evening ended when I was reminded I had promised to watch The Hunger Games with my friend, Forge. This plan came from my drunken Thursday night and I obviously had zero recollection of it. But, I kept to my word and started watching it with her at 12:30am and then promptly fell asleep on her lap half way through. I’m such a good friend.

Saturday, my friend Bridget came by at 11am to wake me up and “check on me.” I then convinced her she needed to come with me and Eric mattress shopping for the day. At our second mattress store, I fell in love. Her name is Corvina and she’s the most perfect queen mattress in the world. Unfortunately, she also costs $1,500. The salesman had me down to $925 at one point and I laid on Corvina for a good half hour before I finally pulled myself away. I’m just too cheap and too in love with my current bed, Brother.

I know that you might think it is weird that my current bed has a name and even weirder that its name is Brother, but let me explain. Junior year of college, my friend Julie and I were rather messed up and in my room watching TV. As we lay there, Julie started to caress my bed. She just traced her hand up and down and then goes, “Oh Brother.” In my state, I found it to be the most hilarious thing in the world. Did she just call my bed Brother? And so, the name stuck. Besides, if you love something that much, it should obviously have a name.

After our failed attempt to make me buy a new mattress and become a big girl (my current mattress is 15 years old and sits on the frame of the bottom bunk of my childhood bed), we decided sangria in the sun was in order. I mean if we couldn’t celebrate me becoming an adult, we might as well just celebrate life. Which, for me, includes games of dayruit.

That night, I had planned my perfect outing: the DEBS drinking game followed by Cherry, the lesbian dance party that happens here in Seattle once a month.

If you know me, you know I love my DEBS drinking game. The rules are simple, drink every time:

1. There is a ridiculous spy gadget.
2. They are really bad spies in Catholic school girl uniforms and it makes you giggle.
3. Jordana Brewster is so hot, you can do nothing but drink.

I often get quite drunk off of rule 3 alone.

After DEBS, I always force people to watch a music video we made inspired by DEBS. My best friend Laura was (and still is) dating Forge, but at the time, they were doing long distance. Forge was having a particularly bad week and Laura wanted to do something to cheer her up. Enter all your best girlfriends and a lot of wine and this is the result:

After we watched the video, I did my first douchey thing of the evening (worth $1 in the douchebag jar) and “liked” the emo facebook status of the break up in question. Oops?

The second dollar comes from Cherry. We were dancing the night away and I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette. I was hitting on this half-Filipino girl named Noel and she wasn’t having it at all. So, drunk Kim decides to start hitting on her friend, who I was less than interested in. But, making out with a rando a Cherry is something of a tradition and I was determined. I tell her we should play beer pong that night and she tells me that she has to work at 5am. Okay, well that wasn’t a no. My next move would have been to the dance floor but instead, Forge comes up to me and informs we we have to leave because our friend ripped his pants on the dance floor. I got second-girl’s phone number and immediately called JD to pick us up. As we were leaving, I sent these texts:

 

Me: Hey it’s Kim Wetter
Me: Meaning the girl that wanted you to play Beirut tonight
Me: Beirut = beer pong
Her: I know who you are lol
Me: Haha good
Me: *insert my address here*
Me: There’s my address if you decide 5am isn’t that hard 🙂

I gave myself a face palm in the morning when I read that again. Needless to say, I had to put in another dollar.

Sunday, I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1 and then went to a Storm game, where my friend Bridget had secured us floor seats. We had gone to a game earlier this summer and my ex girlfriend was sitting courtside in front of us. Drunk Kim went off about how unfair it was because I’m so much cooler and I deserve to be sitting courtside, not her. Bridget took this drunken rant extremely seriously and set out to find us courtside seats to fulfill my dream.

And they were awesome. It was the first Storm game I’ve ever watched completely sober and no complaints here. Any booze would have only distracted me from the players standing 10 feet away. Plus, they give you free water.

So there you have it. That’s how to have a damn good weekend.

 

Update:

My dad now wants to give me my niece’s bed. She’s 7 and has a queen. To which Emily tells me, “I can’t believe your niece has a better bed than you.” I can, Emily. I can.

Also, in case you’re curious about the Best Weekend of 2012: Part 1 and Part 2.