Hello world, welcome me back! After a brief hiatus in couple-dom, I am back and am ready to serve up all the juicy updates. For those of you that actually clicked on the link and are here, I assume you want a quick rundown of what happened in the last four years. So here it goes…

Dating

First, if you can’t already tell, the girl from Blacked Out Kim Has Moves and I have officially parted ways after 4 years of dating and 3 years of living together. Let me say, it’s not fun untangling your life from someone else’s. Out of respect for her privacy, I won’t dig into the details here but I will say that I’m happy with the decision in the end. We were yin and yang, but not in a good (read: passionate) way.

The best thing that has come out of this so far is that I can write again. I had stopped blogging because it made her uncomfortable to read about my crazy life antics, of which, I still have lots to share. And, lezbehonest I didn’t make very many crazy memories in the last 4 years that were worth writing to the internet about. Lesbian relationships are hella boring but I did get a dog so you can have plenty of pictures of her!

Health

I am skinny again! I have lost 50+ pounds since March. Don’t worry, I didn’t do it on purpose or even work out. Who works out? Nope, I did what I did before and went and got myself another auto-immune disease!

I’m still figuring out how to live with Lymphocytic Colitis. But, if you are curious, no, I can’t really drink with two auto-immune diseases. When I do, it’s always tequila.

Job

I work in the marijuana industry now! That’s right, screw television, I’m gunning for that weed money! One day, I will meet Snoop Dogg. I have already smoked a joint with Seth Rogen so I’m on my way to clearing my “People I want to smoke with” laminated list. One day…

The Long and the Short

I’m about to tear up Seattle as I have a new job, new “hot” body, new relationship status, and a new stomach disease to boot! If I was Regina George, y’all would be doing an awful job of taking me down.

Things to look out for in the coming weeks:

1. None of my clothes currently fit me so I will need to eventually go shopping. I will find a way to turn this into a makeover show somehow.
2. I have rejoined OKCupid and Tinder. Can’t wait to share the shit that happens on those dates.
3. I will probably rant and rave about New Seattle (too real, iZombie, too real) and politics in general. What a shitshow these last couple years without me have been, huh?

You won’t be hearing stories of my illness. Unless you like stories about poop – then you can hit me up in my DMs!