That’s right – I have a person cab driver. His name is JD and he’s awesome. I’m not even entirely sure where or when I met him but I was most likely drunk (why else do you take a cab?), sitting in the front seat, making a new friend.

Why would I have a personal cab driver, you might ask? I may not be the model of social responsibility (just social awesomeness), but I think drinking and driving is dumb. It’s beyond dumb. If you plan to go out and get drunk, you should have enough foresight to know you have to get your car home. Either make a plan, stay sober, or find a way to get wherever you’re going that doesn’t require your car to be parked on city streets where it will get towed or ticketed the next morning. And if you “accidentally” get drunk (hey, it happens) are you really so cheap that you can’t leave your car there and retrieve it the next day? Your accidental drunkenness costs you a cab ride home, maybe a friend’s inconvenience the next day and a parking ticket. So what? It’s better than putting others on the road at risk because you’re a selfish, cheap, asshole.

Sorry, that was a bit of rant. The facts remain: drink and have fun but do it responsibly. Have a plan. Call a cab.

Here are some stories as to why my personal cab driver is awesome.

1. I went to a Storm game on a Tuesday with my housemates. Obviously this meant happy hour at the bars, drinking throughout the game and karaoke across the street later. I knew we’d be getting drunk. I also knew I had a presentation at work the next day. Knowing I couldn’t rely on my own self control, I called up JD early in the evening. I informed him of my plans and asked that he pick me up at the karaoke bar at 11pm to take me home. I was way drunk by 11 and got the call that it was time to go. I woke up feeling rough. I had drank way too much pre-presentation. I received a text from JD a bit later that said “Good luck at your presentation today. If you put as much passion into it as you do the rest of your life, you’ll do great.” No joke. It was so cute, I have it memorized. A ride home and a pick me up in the morning? No way.
2. I’ve used JD to go to my destination before. The best being a show I had to be at at 8. I called JD early in the evening and tell him when I need to be there. He tells me he’ll pick me up at 7:37. Not 7:30. Not 7:40. 7:37. And he was exactly on time. And I was exactly on time.
3. One time, I left my phone in the back of the cab. I never do this sort of thing. My phone is attached to me most of the time. I was leaving on a trip the next day, something I had talked about in the cab the night before. I woke up early and sent JD a message on Facebook and asked around to a couple of friends for his phone number. As I was freaking out, there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a man handed me my phone. I tried paying him for his drive to my house and he told me no. Evidently, JD asked the guy who took his car after him that night/morning to bring me my phone because he knew I needed it. Awesome.
4. Middle of the night and in a loud bar or club and you don’t want to leave to go call a cab just yet? I can text JD and set up a time.
5. Several times, I’ve “split” a ride home with a friend and JD drops me off first. Then, in the morning, the friend will tell me they didn’t have enough cash like they thought they did (he takes cards but we like to pay cash) and he told them it was okay. They can get him next time. I texted him and thanked him for being so nice to my friends and he responded he was just happy we had all gotten home safe.
6. I like to gamble. I’ll bet anyone anything if I think it’s a good bet. One time JD was telling me about the recent NASCAR races and how a couple girls were doing really well. This escalated into a bet. He has some driver named Joanna Long and I have Danika Patrick. For each race they both compete in, the girl that finishes better wins the bet. $5 per race and $10 if one of them wins the race. I don’t watch NASCAR. Never have. I might now because this is entertaining. JD texts me updates. We’re currently 1 and 1.

I never have to tell him my address. I never have to worry he’s taking the long way home to charge me more. I know that I’m getting home safe. AND I know that my money is going to a good person. No, a great person.