Kim Wetter

The Last Cherry Ever

Cherry, for many of you that don’t know, is a lesbian dance party that happens in Seattle once a month. They throw it at an all-cash bar called ReBar and it takes place on the third Saturday of every month. Unfortunately, this last Saturday was the last Cherry ever. I decided I’d take a quick walk down memory lane and go over some of my favorite moments from past Cherry’s.

My first Cherry ever was Pride weekend in 2008. I lived in the Best House and the four of us were very excited for our first Pride together. My housemates forced me to go out and buy an entirely new outfit for Cherry. Since we had never been before, we had no idea that buying me a girly top and a red clutch would not help me fit in or get ladies.

There was a massive line when we arrived, but luckily, we had packed airplane bottles of booze, for just such occasions. One of my roommates tried taking the shot and then immediately baby burped, or regurgitated if you will, it back up. The lesbians were not impressed. Next, two of my roommates skipped up and down the line holding hands, looking to see how fast it was moving. As they returned back to our spot in line, they heard some lesbians say, “Who invited the straight people?”

Honey, that man is skipping. Clearly, he is not straight.

We finally got inside and managed to dance off the bad first impression of Seattle lesbians.

Another time at Cherry, about a year or two later, my friends and I were prefunking and joking around about a bad date I had been on. One claimed that I shouldn’t date anyone who didn’t like Harry Potter and that possibly, I should just open with that. So, my new pickup line jokingly became, “Do you like Harry Potter?”

We arrived at Cherry and the night seemed to be going as usual. Then, I walked up to the bar and some girl starts chatting me up. She was going to buy me a drink and goes, “Do you like Harry Potter?”

My jaw hit the floor.

I figured this must be serendipitous or something and I should obviously make out with her.

Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy making out with her and I eventually made up some excuse and ran away from Harry Potter girl. She went wandering around, asking my friends where I went and they, loyally, told her they didn’t know. She gave them her phone number to give to me and was off.

I wandered back inside when the coast was clear and got a brief scolding from my friends for ditching Harry Potter girl, who must have had a bunch of promise because she opened with Harry Potter, right? I wasn’t feeling it however and swiftly found another girl to hit on. The new girl was brunette and aloof and much more my type. I was instantly obsessed. She, however, was not. We made out for a bit and I got her phone number. On the cab ride home, my friends gave me Harry Potter girl’s phone number and warned me that Mystery girl was clearly trouble.

Mystery girl texted me back the next day to tell me she was probably getting back together with her ex. Harry Potter girl and I went on a date and it was miserable. A month later, I returned to Cherry and accidentally hit on Harry Potter girl’s straight friend in front of her. My bad…

That’s how Cherry’s went. I would find some random girl (or two) to hit on for an evening, my friends would be mean mugged by the lesbians and someone almost always vomited in the alley / parking lot outside of ReBar.

For the last Cherry, I rounded up all of my close friends and asked that they follow me into the depths of the Seattle lesbian community one last time. Most of them fully expected me to leave the group as soon as we walked in, but something happened while we were in line. Our large group of boys and girls had walked down from Capitol Hill and we were waiting patiently (and drunkenly) in line. My friend Jeff came up to me to hug me because I hadn’t seen him join our group on the walk. I jumped up and down in excitement that he had made it and gave him a hug. I then informed him that my goal was to find a lady that night. “You gotta have goals,” I said.

I pointed back at our group of fifteen or so and said, “I have no idea what their goals are though…”

Then, it dawned on me… they were all there for me. No one really loves Cherry and as the only single lesbian they know, I’m the reason they get dragged there. So many of them came out to support me on my last Cherry hurrah. I’m sure they were there for the drunken fun dancing as well, but that night, I felt extremely loved.

So, I didn’t wander off looking for single ladies. I didn’t care to. I was so utterly content hanging out and dancing with all these amazing people that love and support me.

One thing remained the same, however: Two people in our group managed to vomit in the parking lot outside. Way to be team! We’ve truly outdone ourselves.

Thanks Cherry! It’s been real. See you never.