Kim Wetter

Deal Breakers, Ladies

I’m dating again and although that would normally mean I’d have funny dating stories, I don’t really have any. I’ve been going on a bunch of uneventful, uninspiring first dates. They’re nothing to write home about… hence the lack of updates.

I think I’ve gotten a lot pickier since the last time around. If I don’t feel a pretty solid connection on that first date, I’m out. No need trying this for a date number two. I guess in some ways, that’s great because it means I’m finally narrowing it down to what I want. But it certainly doesn’t make for good blog posts.

So what am I looking for?

Truthfully, I am just looking for love. You know the type of love where you barely touch the person and yet, your body sends an electrical love shock from your head to your toes? The type of love where you just know. That type of love. No big deal. It’s out there somewhere!

I know, however, my description above is not practical. And certainly not practical in 2019. How’s anyone supposed to fall in love at first sight when we don’t even look at each other in the eyes anymore?!?

So a friend suggested I write down what I don’t want. My deal breakers, if you will.

With very little thought, I came back to her with this list:

• No one painfully shy. She needs to be able to roll with me comfortably. I don’t want to be concerned about another person every time I try to hit up three different parties in one night.
• No one in the closet. I want to be as out and proud as my gay rainbow socks allow me to be.
• No dog haters. It’s imperative that she love dogs.
• No freeloaders. I want someone who is in a similar socioeconomic position and is glad to go half and half and treat each other. I love to travel and that’s a non-starter for me.
• No cheaters because cheaters never prosper.
• No open relationships. Traditional ladies banging one lady only, please.
• No emotionally unintelligent women. I need someone who can have an adult conversation about feelings.

I thought it was a pretty solid list! Evidently… my friend did not.

To be fair to her, I really only skimmed the surface. I had not reached into the ugly depths of my past relationships and thought about what I wanted or needed. I just went straight for the jokes given to me by years of watching The Bachelor.

She felt that I needed to dig deeper. So, her and I chatted it out and came up with some more serious items that should be added to the list. They may seem obvious to you, but they definitely weren’t obvious to me when I was in my previous relationships. I’m a slow learner.

• Takes responsibility for herself and her actions. Apologizes when she’s in the wrong and doesn’t try to blame others for her own issues.
• Generally mentally in good working order – isn’t dependent on me to help her maintain mental health or physical health
• No liars
• No controlling behavior – no ‘allowing’ me to do things or ‘asking permission’
• No gaslighting – no telling me I’m crazy for feeling a certain way or that I don’t know my own experiences
• Good communicator – able to express her needs, talk about her feelings, bring up problems, have constructive and respectful arguments
• No putting of hands or throwing of things

There you have it. The opposite of my ideal woman!

Let’s be real honest though: this was a good exercise to go through and I really do hope it helps me think more about these things in the future, but I know myself well enough to know I don’t think about lists when falling in love. It’s always come unexpectedly but quickly. Maybe I’ll just need to consult this list once I’m in a relationship? But I’d have to get there first. So let’s all go out there and find a special gal for this gaywad over here!