Kim Wetter

Feelings, Emotions and Decisions! Oh, My!

I have a new life theory I just came up with so bare with me. It all stems from a conversation I had Tuesday night. “Emotions are stubborn. They always think they’re right.”

After I said it, I started turning the idea over and over in my head. As a fairly rational human being, even I know that one strong feeling/emotion can make me do anything. I’ve done many things against my better judgement and there are always two basic reasons behind it:
1. I have these stupid things called feelings and they told me to do it.
2. I’m ridiculously stubborn and get this idea in my head that I should do what I want.

For those of you hoping to hear stories of my stupidity, now is not the time. This is all about how I strive to do right by me and by others. Boring, I know.

Now what’s interesting about the irrational decisions I’ve made is that I can help describe point 1 with point 2. Emotions are stubborn – just like me!

If you know me, or even just read the title of this blog, you know that I think I’m awesome. I have a healthy dose of self-esteem and think I have the gold star personality to back it up (yes, people actually talk/think like this). But with this overt confidence comes a bucketful of stubborn. I think I’m right about everything. In any given situation, there’s my opinion and the wrong opinion. Things can be THAT black and white in my head.

Recently (and by recently, I literally mean within the past year), I was confronted by how this mentality can cause strain on my relationships. Compromise is a necessary part to any working relationship – friendship, family or otherwise. When someone pointed out my lack off compromise, I was faced with how difficult I am to deal with. Reasoning with me must be infuriating.

Knowing what you are like and changing it are two different things. I was seeing this large aspect of my personality push people away and manhandle situations. Me. I was manhandling situations and generally just being an ass.

Working through that in my head is no easy task. In any given situation where I am hyper aware of my stubbornness, I try my best to be reasonable and actually listen to the valid points of my adversary. In many situations, I am not self aware, I’m an ass, and my opinion is the only one that exists. Until later…

Now, I can look back and see where I went wrong. I can recognize that fault in myself and in what just transpired. This at least allows me the opportunity to go back and apologize and make it right. I can acknowledge both sides of the discussion and see my point might not be the only right one. Sometimes (gasp) I can see how very wrong I was.

But my brain and how it works will tell you that I’m rarely wrong. I’m now just totally self-aware of the fact that I think I’m always right. That is really the only change (but I’m working on it).

I still have lots of friends and they all accept me for who I am. Moreover, they have all learned to deal with me. It’s a strong belief of mine that in your relationships, you have to learn how to deal with the other person. You get to know what their buttons are, when they need help, when they need to be left alone… You are responsible for their idiosyncrasies as they are for yours.

In fact, I have several friends who are equally as stubborn as I am and no matter what, we have to deal with each other. The better we can all learn to deal, the better we can all get along. The longer you know someone, the easier it becomes.

So let’s get back to those pesky feelings. You know the ones I’m talking about – the ones that keep you up at night, naw at your very being, and make you do stupid things. When you feel something so strongly, it’s easy to think it’s right. A feeling of guilt can drive you into fully believing it was all entirely your fault, despite circumstances. A dose of love can blind you and lead you any which direction it chooses. And the whole time, you don’t question it. If you feel it, it must be right.

And sometimes what you feel is right. And sometimes it all wrong. More often than not these things are all various shades of grey. You can’t rationalize WHY you feel something, but you can question the validity.

And feelings will always be as stubborn as me and they will always think they are right. Sometimes, it’s going to be infuriating to deal with. But you learn to deal. You have to.

I may not be able to get rid of the feelings I’ve deemed to be wrong. And every single day, I’m tempted to believe they are right. So every morning, I wake up and deal with my stubborn friends called emotions. They may always think they’re right but they won’t always be here.

Feelings change. They sweep in and out of your life like little hurricanes, sweeping everyone around in confusion. They’re stubborn but one day, they leave (Hopefully to be replaced by some more, equally as stubborn emotions, that are more light than dark).

So, if you’re struggling with a strong feeling, think of me – chuckle, shake your head and recognize it’s not right, it only THINKS it is.

 

To punctuate my point, here’s Kelly Clarkson’s new video for your enjoyment: