Kim Wetter

One Night Stand

I’ve never really had a one night stand before. I had been dating a girl for a month and as soon as we slept together, I got dumped. And there was that time I slept with that guy to test how gay I am (really gay is the answer) but I had his name and number and he was texting me nice things for like a week after (poor guy still doesn’t know I’m super gay). And I’ve had a two night stand with an okcupid girl I had never met before who I convinced to first come over to meet me at like 3am. Had I not gone back for a repeat, that would have definitely been considered a one night stand. As anyone who knows me really well knows, I’m the world’s worst repeat offender. But those aren’t really one night stands in the traditional sense.

So the story goes: it was Saturday night and I was at the Storm game with four of my friends. We all made plans to go to sing karaoke after the game at Jabu’s (again, as one does, if the ‘one’ in this sentence is a lesbian). I invited my newest straight girl crush to come meet us. I literally always have some sort of straight girl crush but I figured if she could hang in a bar full of lesbians, I’d have a good chance.

I sang a variety of songs:

• Dancing on my Own by Robyn
• Leave (Get out)  by Jojo
• Pop by Nsync
• Lose Yourself by Eminem
• Livin on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

If it seems like that’s a lot of karaoke songs for one night, it’s because it is. I sang entirely too much. The group of six of us kind of took over the majority of singing and even got called out by the karaoke master for it.

My four Storm game friends left before I sang Livin on a Prayer. My straight girl crush stayed with me as I waited to belt out yet another tune. This cute girl comes up to us while we’re waiting and strikes up conversation. She tells us that she’s here with her ex husband. They divorced three years ago when she realized she was gay and they are now best friends. They flew up from San Francisco for the Steely Dan concert on a whim.

Through all this talk, I get the distinct feeling she’s hitting on me. So I sing my song, walk my straight girl crush to her car and race back to the bar to see if I was right.

Just as I get back, she tells me she’s leaving to go get pizza. I ask if I can come with and she says yes. While I’m closing out my tab, she comes back in and tells me her ex-husband had told her to stay there with me instead. Cool.

We sit back down and I start flirting heavily (I wasn’t going to flirt that much in front of my straight girl crush – wouldn’t want to ruin my chances there). She then tells me she thought I was with my straight girl crush, which is why she hadn’t been more direct. Evidently, her ex-husband bff and her had picked me out right after I sang Lose Yourself. Her ex-husband even deemed me “the girl with the best personality.” Hey, I may not be the hottest girl, but I’m still winning.

I then tell her to text her ex-hubby bff and tell him that she’s going to go home with “the girl with the best personality.” To my surprise, she does exactly that.

Before we hopped in a cab to go back to my place, she warned me of two things: her flight was at 7am the next day (in four and a half hours at this point) and she is “just trying to live.” I figured that was code word for “don’t get attached” but the girl lives in SF so I’m thinking “duh.”

She comes back to my place and leaves an hour and a half later at 4am. I don’t have her phone number but I did ask for her last name. Unfortunately, it’s Johnson. The likelihood of ever finding a specific girl with a generic name again is slim to none. So I can safely say that I will never see that girl again. She’s officially my most stereotypical one night stand to date.

Now I leave you with this video