Kim Wetter

Online Dating and Failed Lesbianism

I recently decided to start dating again. And by dating, I mean the foreign and elusive concept of dating. I do not mean a relationship because that is waaaaaay down the line for me in terms of commitment level at this point in my life. I figured it was time to meet new people and start flirting somewhere other than at R Place dancing with a rando at 1am (because we all know how poorly that works out). The major problem I run into, in general, is that I don’t really fit in with the Seattle lesbian crowd. So, since all my straight girl friends are on OKCupid, they convinced me to give it a try.

It’s terrible.

Not only have a been messaged by married women looking for sex with a girl on the side but I keep coming across profiles that actually say things like “I don’t trust easy” or “I’m really good at crying” or “I’m super silly but also really serious.” Ummm, what?

I understand the difficulties of trying to describe yourself on the Internet and to be completely fair to everyone I just made fun of, you can see and criticize my profile if you can find me on one of the many dating apps. Feel free to leave inappropriate comments below on how much of a douche I sound like on the interwebs.

I think there is an inherent problem of me not being a very good lesbian. I don’t listen to Tegan and Sarah, I don’t want to attend a poetry reading with you and I really would prefer if you didn’t cry around me for at least the first couple months.

I like gay men. I listen to pop music. I get drunk and peer pressure people like a frat boy. I am, in short, ridiculous but also ridiculously awesome.

I might not ever fit in with the lesbians in Seattle and I’ve given up trying. There are some out there who are awesome and I will collect them as friends as best I can. But in terms of dating, I just don’t think this whole OKCupid thing is going to work. According to their database, I should be living in New York, where lesbians, and maybe people in general, are more like me.

This weekend I will be attending “Cherry,” which is a lesbian dance party that happens once a month. I normally show up, drink, dance with my gays, strike out a couple of times and leave with a stumble. I will attempt to be more reasonable this weekend but it seems unlikely. Besides, I always end up hitting on like the only straight girl in the whole club. Not my fault.

**Note** I apologize to anyone of the lesbian variety that I offended here. If you are cute and single, feel free to leave your phone number and I’ll make sure to apologize in person **wink**