Kim Wetter

Pride 2012: I Solemnly Swear I was up to No Good

After my Open Letter to Seattle Pride ended up on the Slog, many of you might have been wondering what sort of shenanigans I was going to get myself into last weekend. I would have updated you all sooner but my Pride weekend ended around 1am Sunday night / Monday morning and my life hangover ended several hours ago. I finally feel competent enough to form thoughts and sentences and tell stories.

Friday night was a simple affair. My friends and I decided that we had to pick between the drag show at Neumo’s with Sharon Needles, this year’s winner of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, or the drag show at R Place with Jessica Wild, JujuBee and Latrice Royal, all previous contestants. Sharon Needles ended up being our winner because the proceeds to her show went to charity.

A couple of over-excited Pride buddies showed up right when the doors opened around 8. Now, I’m a cheap motherfucker, so as soon as I heard that Sharon wasn’t going on until midnight, I decided to wait it out. Why pay a bar 4-5x’s the cost of liquor you can drink in the comfort of your own home with some friends? My over-zealous (and incredibly cute) Pride crew was none to pleased that Kim Wetter was MIA for over three hours. I received many texts that ranged from “come cheer me up” to “where the fuck are you?” I finally promised someone that I’d show up at 11pm and I kept to my promise.

As I raced through the crowd to find my Pride crew, what should come on? But Kelly Clarkson, of course! It was a Pride miracle! Finally, I get my own intro music!

I bounced up to the Pride crew and just started dancing my ass off to Since U Been Gone! Everyone who might’ve been thinking, “Where’s Kim Wetter when Kelly’s on?” was pleasantly surprised. It was one of those perfect, understated (and now that it’s on this blog: overstated) moments.

Sharon herself was a let down. She sang “Sweet Transvestite” from Rocky Horror Picture Show and then gave a long speech about being a rebel drag queen and maybe something about gay marriage and then she promptly left the stage.

She’s really lucky that I had an amazing time dancing with my friends that night or else I might’ve been pissed.

Saturday was the annual Pride BBQ thrown by the cutest gay boys ever. The food was elaborate, the jello shots were fruity, festive and fun and the atmosphere was a gay one. Unfortunately, we did split into two groups at the end of the night – one to the lesbian dance party at Cherry and one to the Cuff.

I, of course, went to Cherry. I danced with my friends. I did nothing ridiculous. It’s all very surprising, I know. It might be my first Pride Cherry that I didn’t make out with a rando. Maybe I’m growing up?

If the following morning is any indication – no, no I am not. I blasted “Call me Maybe” at 9am to wake up anyone and everyone in the house, grabbed a road soda, filled my flask and hit the bus. We had the most amazing, ridiculously awesome porch party set up right on 4th Avenue. There, I donned an awesome tattoo that read “Prime Grade A Awesome” and hit the mimosas.

After the parade, we went to the Seattle Center to hang by the fountain, where the second Pride miracle of the year happened: It was sunny and warm! I ran to the store with a friend to buy six bottles of champagne, a 12 pack of beer and a 4 pack of cider. Needless to say we were almost kicked out by security for drinking too obviously.

This was one of those times where you’ve been drinking all day and you realize you never stopped for lunch and you should really go home, eat dinner and go to sleep early. I did not. My friend had taken a 3 hour nap on the lawn by our large group and by the time she was up and ready to go out, I obviously had to go with her. We ended up going to the Wildrose and then to R Place and I arrived home at 1am. My hangover the next day was substantial, to say the least.

Will someone please remind me next year to take the Monday after Pride off of work? Evidently I’m slow and haven’t learned my lesson after 5 years of Pride celebrations.

So there it is. Pride. Drunken ridiculousness. Friends. Fun. My favorite weekend of the whole year!